Realization and Change

Habang binabasa ko ang blog ko dito sa multiply at yung nasa blogspot, parang laki ng difference. The writer in the blogspot was a happy girl in her own crazy world...while the writer of the multiply account is like a girl who sees the world as full of crap. I miss the latter one - the girl with happy thoughts no matter how screwed her life was. and because of that realization, I decided not to dwell anymore with all those bad things happening on my life, rather I will focus more on happy memories..on happy thoughts. I will not think of those people, things and happenings that will make me feel down, bad and eventually could start hatred, tampo or whatever you want to call- to feel against them. I want to focus more on what they've done that made me happy..those things - good or bad - which made me who I am now.

Unconsciously/unintentionally, may mga actions ako that really made some people upset even the important people around me and I feel so sorry about that - they might be thinking that I'm too insensitive kasi I'm not saying sorry or doing such actions that will make them feel better and lessen their 'tampo' towards me.  Hindi ako yun. Hindi ko nature yun kasi siguro di ako ganun. Dahil din siguro di ako yung tipong you need to do something good for me para mapatawad kita kung ano man yung ginawa mo. Just keep away from me for a while and I will be okay. That's it.

This could be my last entry about me feeling like the whole world is against me. I will not compose any blog entries anymore about whining and sadness. Minsan kasi nakakapagsisi in a way kasi galit ako that time nung sinusulat ko yun and may mga taong nasasaktan din pala sa sinulat ko. And tendency ko kasi, ivoice-out yung napifeel ko pag galit ako na minsan hindi ko na naiisip na may taong nasasaktan na sana sinabi ko na lang ng diretso sa kanila pag okay na ako. I'll try to keep quiet, composed at kung kelangan ko syang kausapin, yun na lang gagawin ko.  Mag-iingay na lang ako pag masaya ako. hehehe... Sana magawa ko. I'd be happier and proud of myself pag nagawa ko ito.

 I'll post some pics na lang to share my happy memories.

Just watched the movie 'Last Holiday' kanina and it really inspired me. Live life to the fullest! Live each day differently - love more, do more, laugh more, see more, don't be so afraid. Spend the rest of your life happily with people you love the most.

Pahabol : I'm thinking of moving maybe this end of year or after March 2009 ( you know what I mean!)
            - I've deleted most of my entries about sadness and whining. Time to move on!!